Just now,i read a blog belong to a friend.Haven't visited hers in months.We only met few times since she was my friend's girlfriend but i don't think that they're still together.She deleted all her previous posts but leave one last post where she wrote about things that used to happen for the last two years when she first started.How things are different back then and in present.
I do not know her that well to judge her but i truly admire her courage and braveness in facing the world when she got nothing to fall on.People change and we move on.It's us that decide what is good for our self,not others.And she did the right thing by standing firm on her decision.
Anyway,her post kinda inspired me to write about stuff that i think i've written before but never mind about that,you guys don't really need to read this.
At first when i started writing,my intention was,i want this to be a place where i can log my journey to remind me how it all started.So that i do not forget where i came from and the road that I've taken to be where i am today.It was rather a personal thoughts at the beginning and i didn't expect it to be as public as it is.Not kennysia or yoga instructor publicly, but you get what i mean.That is why sometimes i wrote about personal stuff,outings,ramblings etc because i do want to read about it again in the future.Like in 10 years time,if i read back my God's laugh post,i'll be thinking 'Oouh,i used to feel that way before and i do still feel the same way 10 years after,i guess i haven't change at all'.See the point?
But i am glad that people do read my ramblings,because i believe that we can mutually share our thoughts in certain issues and make us feel like we're not the only person who feel certain way.And i have made friends through blogging.So i did not lose anything by sharing with the people out there,aint it mate? But of course when you know that people gonna read your writings,you'll feel a lil bit under pressure,yerla takut grammar terabur,teroffended,terpoyo,terperasan bagus dan lain lain lah.Tapi yang penting apa,tak paksa baca kan?!
I write a lot. I like to jot down whatever that crosses my mind at any place any time.In my phone,laptop,notebooks obviously,journal,any tempat yang boleh di tulis lah.Sometimes,when i read back,i don't even know what i wrote.And i love to write people's conversation in my phone whenever i am bored waiting or anything because it's always funny when you read back.For example this is what i wrote in my phone while waiting outside the magistrate court to pay the summon,remember? 'Muka i ni kasi itu tandas kotor ker?' 'You tak baik tau buat saya macam ini.' ' Aaah bini dia tak bagi jumpa anak dia.Dia kahwin dua diam diam'.
This type of typical normal conversations always fascinates me.There's this Chinese lady wanted to use the toilet.But apparently they only have one toilet for public use which is for both sex.And woman's toilet is strictly for staff only.So when she was informed that the toilet is for both gender,she questioned the police officer 'You mau saya itu kencing pancut kaa? you tak baik tau buat saya macam ini.' Agak comel dan kelakar ayat dia sebenarnya tapi apa ke bodohnya tandas share?
Ok,gone too far out of topic.While i was browsing through my folders,i stumbled across this files entitled notes,stuff that i wrote circa 2008.I noticed that how fast things can change in a short period of time.
People who live,died.Friends become foes.Things that you wish for is granted.Some are not.That sort of thing.
I am really stressed out at the moment..I guess everyone who's in this line will go through the same thing.But then i thought,when i was in flying school,i did experienced this whole stress drama thing,but how did i cope with that last time? so i read back all the stuff that i wrote and that's it i found it!
Back then,i was kinda of a loner.I don't talk to people about private stuff,how i feel,what i do or where i go.I do everything on my own.People mistake that as being reserved and unsocial or maybe selfish.To my batch mates at least.But that is just me.For example,i would wake up early in the morning,when everyone is asleep and wait at the bus stand,just take any bus that pass through and see where it goes.I used to walk all over KB town alone,find good place to eat,just sit and observe people and in the end of the day i would go back to the hostel and feel good about myself.As if i've just accomplished something big by being on my own.There's one time i walked from KB mall to KBMC (orang orang KB tahu la kot jauh tak jauh) to visit one of my batch mate who was admitted in the hospital,alone.Of course none of my other batch mates knows about it.When i went back,some of them make a fuss about it,making stupid remarks on how i like to do things alone,that i probably went out for a date la..that sort of nonsense.Perlu ke bagitahu semua benda pon sebenarnya? That sort of stuff you know.I should not dwell too much in this matter.
That is why i am a bit emotional when i talk about my flying school days.That place taught me a lot of things.My strength,my weaknesses,my belief and friendship.It's a place where not too hyperbolic for me to say shapes the person that i am today.
Back to how did i cope with stress back then,the answer is very simple,JOG! yes,jogging. I love jogging.At one point im addicted to it.Yes they can be addictive you know!
So what i did was every single day,every evening,i would jog in front of the crew residence.With my headphone on,listening to the same music back to back,and that's it.There i will meet the same joggers,cewahh ada geng pulak and soalan standard 'berapa round dah?' 'boleh lagi boleh lagi come on!'
So,that would be my routine.On weekend i would wake up early in the morning and jog all the way to the end of traffic light,turn right and there will be a small bridge fit for only one car at a time to pass through and it is the best place to view the sunrise(gila detail).It's so fantastic i tell you.Damn it i miss that place.
After all the running,eventhough it was exhausting,i felt good.Don't you feel sooo good after working out?
Physical exercise releases damaging stress hormones, virtually moving them out of the body, generates endorphins (feel-good chemistry), increases levels of serotonin and balances the brain. Exercise also generates new nerve cells in the brain and enhances the connections between brain cells, which chronic stress shrinks. That can trigger depression, which shrinks the brain even more. However, there is great news. Exercise reverses this process; in fact, exercise causes the brain to grow and flower. After you exercise, you reap the rewards of the relaxation response both physically and emotionally. You have met a challenge and accomplished it. This process reinforces your personal empowerment and actually raises your threshold for stress, which transfers to all the stressors in your life. Google.
Apart from that,i made a vision board.I wrote what are my goals,pictures of stuff that i want so badly and stare at them every single day.Try to set something to look forward to.If didn't kept a journal or write about this sort of stuff anywhere,i might have forgotten how to handle certain issues that i have encountered before.See how important notes are!
Since i was so much of a loner back then la kan,i always pray to God to surround me with positive friends,i do not need a thousand,but a few quality one would be great.And alhamdullilah,my wish was granted.This people are actually already there all along in front of my eyes.It's by chances,fate,and luck that we get to know each other.Few friends from childhood remains the best eventhough we dont get to meet that often,but we're there for each other,friends from flying school that i wished i knew sooner not after we finished! apam who i met by sheer luck.You guys know who you are ;)
It is true that when God took something from us,He will replace it with something better.He is after all knows what is best for us.I couldn't wish for any better.But i still do miss the people in Kota Bharu,for each one of them has taught me different things.I do not want to hold grudge against anyone,we are only growing older not younger,plus aviation world is not big,balik balik muka tu jugak jumpa kan?
Since i've neglected my physical needs i.e exercise for quite sometime,just now i went to play squashy! It was such a relieved! Im feeling energetic and happy :)
Check out this new video clip from Leona Lewis.Gila sedih,so unpredictable and a great song nevertheless.She's so freakin hot btw.
http://perezhilton.com/2009-10-19-new-leona-lewis
p/s: Hari itu ada manusia bikin saya mengamuk di khalayak ramai.You mess with the wrong person ok,silap orang la nak buat kerek.This is not over! HAH HAH HAH ada mood saya cerita.Have a good day ahead people :)
