Say Hello to Goodbye

After much consideration and deliberation,i have decided that this will be my last post.It's been a joyful 4 years of writing and sharing experiences.But we all knew it all along that one day it has got to end.Well,today is the day.No i am not sad,frustrated or depressed. I just thought that it's time for me to move on to something else.
I have developed so many beautiful friendship through blogging.In a way that you could never imagine. Not to mention ended a few as well. But that's life. If one thing that i have learn t in this short period of my life, that is nothing will stay the same forever. We act, we think,we feel whatever that is happening at the moment. We can never be sure of what the future holds for us. So I've learn not to put my expectations too high for if you fall, you will fall hard and might not be able to stand up. If you want something to happen,you got to work on your own.I always put that in my head.

I am so blessed with the people that I've met here,who eventually became like a family, you know who you are. God willing we will forever be one. So thank you really everyone for your supports, comments and most importantly your time in reading my rantings. I've grown so much for the past 4 years and you guys are part of my journey. It's time for me to start a new chapter of my life.Feel free to drop me a mail if you feel like writing.Who knew it will be a start of a new friendship.Till then, stay safe and remember life is short, we need to make the most of it.What doesn't kill you will make you stronger.Flyfreak signing off :)

Insecurity

I lost the bloody key for my locker at the gym just now.I felt so stupid. Damn it i keep losing things over there,first my phone then this one. What's next? my pants? LOL. They had to use the big cutter to break the lock.Apparently it happened a lot at the gym so i don't feel that bad :p But i did look stupid searching and tracing back to one machine after another searching for my key.

The other day i was driving to work in the morning and i saw an accident on the highway with the lifeless body laying at the side of the road. Of course the ambulance and police was there. I would be more freak out if i'm the first one to witness it. I'm a chicken when it comes to all this. Ironically The Band Perry 'If i die young' was playing on the radio. Haih life is so short you'll never know when you'll reach the dead end. But while we're still alive,better make the most of it so that when we die,we won't have any regrets.Not that it matters anymore cause obviously when you're dead,you can't think Ok i'm talking crap and being so morbid.That's about it. Gotta to watch my series. Oh no it's about to end soon.One season left and that's it. I think i'm gonna cry watching the last episode. Hahahah Sharman we so need to get a life. We need Em in our life!

Just a lil bit longer

So i found this really good place to buy books in Amcorp Mall after two attempts! Lol I went there the first time on my own only to actually bought quite a handful of books from a second hand bookstore. I thought that was the one that my friend described but i was wrong,there's actually another one on the same level. I felt so stupid because seriously the bookstore that she mentioned is smack in front of the one that i went in at first. Anyway i think i had a book orgasm when i went inside. They're so ridiculously cheap and new! I really was a happy man that day. Now the problem is i don't have enough space to put em' all not to mention when i'll be able to finish em'!

I flew to Macau again few days ago. It was my sector and yeah Rwy 16 in used. Again i was a happy man. I'm sorry but i really feel like an accomplishment when i managed to do the approach. Some pilots might think it's really nothing. Oh well whatever.

I also flew with this really pretty leading whom i've flown with few times. She's just really nice and i can really talk to her about relationship life etc although it was for a mere few minutes cause obviously she can't be staying in the cockpit for too long. She was telling me her experience in Monaco representing our company for some event, cause she's one of the 'flower pot', the term we use for stewardesses cum model. She was saying how perfect the life is there,how they were treated like princess and how people would do anything just to get under someone elses pants. Cause money really talks and there's no such thing as one can have too much money. They're that rich. So i was teasing her ' did you get any old balding CEO with 3 yatch and 20 lamborghini asking you to marry him and live happily ever after?' she goes 'darling, there's no such thing as happily ever after. All they care about is whether they can get their hands on me and i'm so much better than that.' For the record she is single and she's been saying how independant she is that she change her own bulbs and do stuff on her own. She also said that she is not ready to have a relationship. I used to think like her that i wasn't ready. But the truth is we are ready. It's just that we haven't met the right one. We're always ready. And no matter how much i think that karma will bite me back one day for rejecting people, i think i ought to stay truthful to my ownself first if not to other people. In the end i gotta to make decision on what is best for me.

It sure does get a lil bit tiring sometimes but hey i know i am not alone.The ridiculous thing that people would do when they fall in love or at least that's what they thought at first. I myself did pull up a few crazy stunts but at least i tried. And i certainly knows my limit. Even though they came in your life for a while,but that was short happy moments you look forward to.Sometimes this small thing worth remembering.When there's a voice telling you 'this is pathetic' then you know you should stop. Who knew the next one will stay a lil bit longer?

Right now there's just so many things i want to accomplish. Sometimes it drives me crazy because i want to do it all at once! I really gotta learn to be patience and not over analyze things. I guess that's a Virgos traits. We're tend to think too much and the least optimistic bunch of people.

Anyway was talking with bunch of FA's the other day, believe me you can lock me up in a room full of them but not with pilots. Boooooringgggg. One of them told me this story that i find really sad with the level of stupidity but it did cracked me up so hard. So they did this flight which i'm not gonna mention what route but there's this dude came out from the lavatory and went to this steward and told him 'your toilet seat is too high' and walk off. So the steward couldn't get what he actually meant so he brushed it off. Next thing you know there's a small scream coming from the next pax who went in after the dude. Yup you guess it right, he shit inside the sink! instead of the toilet bowl. Yes the bloody sink! I laughed so hard when he told me that.It still got me thinking how the hell he can shit while literally standing up cause obviously the sink is quite high. I pity them who had to clean it up but that was really funny. Hahahahaha.

My mum cooked nasi dagang today and again i'm a happy man. What i would do without my parents. Sometimes i wish that i will die before them so that i won't have to go home knowing that they won't be there.God forbid.

So how you all doing really? It'll be great if i could get to hear something from you guys. This song really sums up how i'm feeling at the moment and made me smile. Just remember things will work out after all. We just gotta be strong.

Don’t look fate can only find you
You can’t choose for something to surprise you
Set sail without a destination
Just see where the wind will take you
You never know when you're gonna fall
But I'm not worried
No I'm not worried

And I’m doing just fine
I’m always landing on my feet
In the nic of time
And by the skin of my teeth
I ain’t gonna stress
Cause the worst ain’t happened yet
Somethings watching over me
Like Sweet Serendipity

With every heartbeat

The thing about aviation industry is that it is very small. Everybody basically knows everybody. We are all somewhat connected. People will talk about you even if they don't know you. People who doesn't even work in the same company as you will get news faster than you do. As much as i think that i am anti-social :p,i am actually a friendly lad (lol). But it has come to my senses that there's a limit on how friendly someone should be. Sometimes it is better that people do not know your name. That's all i can say.

Forgive me for not writing as much as i used to. I don't really think there's any readers left anyway. It's like do people still chat on yahoo messenger or msn? That's how lame blogging is nowadays. But i gotta to admit even tho i don't post anything,i still do come here almost everyday and i have no idea what i'm looking for. I guess it makes me happy to see that there's still one or two people who's willing to google me and waste their precious times hogging my blog.

I went out of town for the weekend. My last trip was to Cambodia and that was like a month ago. So i guess it's about time. I really need to go somewhere at least once a month just to,you know get all my senses back, not thinking about work or whatever that bothers me. Sorry there's no pictures to share since i don't feel like snapping and carrying my camera around.

I've been watching a lot of series lately. Trust me that's the only thing that makes me happy nowadays. Yeah i am that sad. Lol. I also managed to finish two books. It's been a while that i get to sit and read. I did most of the reading while flying. Right now my definition of a good flight is when the Captain is less chatty and when he sleep most of the times. That's when i can do my own stuff and read cause lately i don't feel like talking.

It's already 2am and i still can't sleep.

You can't touch me now there's no feeling left
What you did to me, i can't forget
If you think i'm coming back don't hold your breath

Yeah I Do

Yesterday was just a beautiful day.Surrounded with lovely people to commemorate the union of two people that is close to our hearts.Simple and exquisite.That's how i always imagined a perfect wedding should be. To Kakak and Abang S, make beautiful babies soon hahahaha.

We almost had it all

Hey! How you guys doing? There's nothing much happening in my part of the world except work and work.Ok that's not true,i don't work everyday but i do realize that days off is getting shorter and gone in no time.I guess i am just busy running around doing stuff.I got this two project (sounds a bit fancy) that i need to work on.It was given to me a month a go but since the dateline is in a month time,i procrastinate it.And i just realize that today is already 22nd! Holy shit. I need to get it done by today if not i won't be able to finish it.It doesn't help when i'm currently watching a really interesting series and downloaded few movies.As well as reading a really good book that i can't hardly put down.So yeah,the world is helping me dillydally-ing my job! Ain't my fault.

So yesterday was the Biebs concert ey? How did it go guys? Anyboy got killed? LOL.ok that's not funny. I am not a fan at all.I do find some of his songs good to listen to but i wouldn't call myself a fan.I am so in love with Adele each day tho.See,i told you guys since the beginning that she is bloody fantastic.Not to mention GORGEOUS.I am not exaggerating.She is!

I flew to Macau few days ago.It's been a while since i last went there.I always like Macau.I think it is less hectic than Hong Kong,the airport is nice and unique and it is one of the most challenging airport.They only have one runway (RWY34/16) which was built in the middle of the sea (how cool is that) thus the wind can be a little bit unkind and scary.And if you're 'LUCKY',one of the days they will use the other runway (RWY16) which was by far the weirdest approach i've ever seen. And guess what,i've been 'LUCKY' enough to experienced both. So obviously i took the first sector.First event,i flew with this really experienced Captain,a very very cool guy who likes to call me 'Young boy!' and call him self 'I am a stupid Captain!'. He's just really funny.Anyway,all the time flying en-route i keep praying 'Please let it be RWY 34,RWY 34,RWY 34'.Because i don't think i am confident enough to do the approach on RWY16.Guess what,as we approaching there,Hong Kong radar informed us RWY 16 in used.I was like GREAT!

My Captain look at me and said 'Don't worry young boy! I am here!'. I actually laughed when he said that.I wasn't that nervous or anything,it's just that i am confused with the approach! Thank God weather was really good we could see the whole island and it's just so beautiful.To cut the story short,i made it! I was really excited when we landed cause boy was that challenging! That day i felt so proud of myself.No kidding.That was a year ago.

Last few days i went there again but RWY 34 is in use this time.I was relieved for a while but then as we came in closer and descending i notice the crosswind.Damn it.That is one strong crosswind. I'm not gonna say how many knots but when your aircraft is facing to the right but you're going straight you know it's a strong one.In my head ' Why me? Why today?'. To tell you the truth i kinda panicked a little while once the autopilot is off but yeay i managed to land the aircraft! Ok i know it's not a big deal for some people but it is for me at least.

I thought i want to share this with you guys.

Anyway,the month of May will be a joyful month for us since something big gonna happen! Not gonna spill the beans yet.Tho my roster for May sucks bad! I got two flights to Kochi and Bangalore.God i hate ETOPS sector.Lucky got something to look forward to at the end of the month.

One of my favorite song from her album.Brilliant.

Sharman,this is the one i told you about when she did Cheryl's Promise This.

Next time I'll be braver,
I'll be my own savior,
Standing on my own two feet,

I won't let you close enough to hurt me,
No, I won't ask you, you to just desert me,
I can't give you the heart you think you gave me,
It's time to say goodbye to turning tables.

Hiding my heart

I don't know whether i am in a state full of anger,frustration or maybe i am just relieved? I know that i have been bitching about everything here and made me sound like a sad person.To tell you the truth i am a happy person.It's just that i don't write when i am happy.I savored the moments in memory.Everyone need a way to channel their negative emotions and thoughts,some prefer to eat,some prefer to cry,some may want to take a long drive and some people like me like to express in this composition.As much as i prefer that my thoughts are sacred within me rather than lashing it out in public like this,it's kinda soothing and comforting to know that one or maybe two people out there are willing to read and probably think 'Hey,i felt that way too'.

In every single phases of our life,we need to make decision.We make decisions every single minute of our life.Whether it's good or bad that depends.There are times when we need other people to make decisions.Oh well technically they don't 100 percent.We might need other people's opinions in certain things but in the end,WE ourselves make our own decision. I don't think that i have any regrets about decisions that i have made.Or maybe i am just to egoistic to admit it? There are couple of times that i asked myself,'What was i thinking?', ' I think that was a really bad decision'. But then come to think of it,if i put myself back in the same situation,at that exact moment,that particular events,i wouldn't change anything. Cause there's a reason why we made that choice in the beginning.But being a normal human being ,we have that certain incertitude every now and then.

For this past two years,i think i have grown a lot.I believe that i have come to term with my own self.Meeting different people,different attitude,different places has taught me wonders.One thing for sure that i learnt is that nothing will stay the same.Not a single thing.If things were meant to be yours,it will be even after you lost it a few times.My friend lost his car once and found it back only to get stolen for the second time again in few months time.Same goes as people.If some people are meant to play a role in your life be it significant or not,they were there for a reason.If they choose to leave,let it be.There's no show on this earth that will run 24/7.Heck even Oprah Show will come to an end soon.

The other thing that i have learn t is not to make an early assumption.I got called up to do a flight recently with this Captain that enough said people will take MC if flying with him. I was as usual being grumpy and pissed but at the back of my head 'Let's just get over it' you know.To my surprise he is actually not as bad as what people portrayed him to be.Or maybe i was just plain lucky and he's in a good mood.

Being a Virgo and a Perfectly Melancholic (my personality type based on a book that i read) person that i am, i am a pessimist.I believed that every single action from people around me got an ulterior motive.Those are my weaknesses.Let's not even talk about gaining trust.It'll take a long time for me to trust someone.As i said in my many many post before,i am not any younger.Tho some people say. 'Oh please you're a baby,you got long way to go'. I think i am settling down. I think i am old and smart enough not to let the smallest littlest thing to bother me.

For example,yesterday,someone pisses me off so badly that it spoilt my mood the whole day.On my day off. I wouldn't want to tell the details why i pissed off because some of you might think that it is really not a big of a deal.But it sure is for me.I organized my own plan.What i want to do,where i want to go etc.If i want to do something and someone decided to accompany me,fine if you think that you can fit in the plan.But if you screwed up and acted as if you did nothing wrong,that's it.I am just really tired of putting so much trust and confidence,giving chances to people but in the end they take it for granted.I may have my expectations high,but you chose to deal with it earlier then deal with it now! I am not as cold and heartless as i turned out to be,i acted like one so that i won't succumbed to my emotions.You can never see me barking and yelling when i am not happy.I will choose to be quiet but my emotions will be depicted on my face clearly.What pisses me off the most was because lately i only get minimum days of after days of flying.When i am off,i like to make the most of it and reward myself after those tiring days.It's the only thing that i look forward to.That is why it is a big deal for me.We did continue with the plan anyway to watch a play at KLPac cause the ticket has been booked.Luckily the play was really good. In the audience last night,there's a group from the Malaysian Deaf Association members watching the show.So throughout the entire play,there's a women siting in front of them and translating every single thing with hand signals.It got me thinking how i am so lucky and blessed, that when i wake up i get to breath,see,smell and hear everything.Sometimes this very little thing that we tend to forget everyday.So thank God for that,and thank you God for all the people that i have met along the way for they have taught me the meaning of life.

Just because you love someone doesn't mean that you have to be involved with them.Love is not a bandage to cover wounds.

Mt. Kinabalu

 

 On descent to KUL

 And I wish I could lay down beside you

When the day is done

And wake up to your face against the morning sun

But like everything I've ever known

you'll disappear one day

So I'll spend my whole life hiding my heart away

And I can't spend my whole life hiding my heart away