Dream awake

Hey guys,how are you all doing? Hope you guys are well.I wasn't in a pink of health for the past week.Not bedridden unwell but a lil bit under the weather.Funny when we're sick we get all this crazy random thoughts,i literally feel like i'm dying at one point,that was really ridiculous.I think it got something to do with hormones.I don't know.Bloody hormones.Anyway,i miss writing. I really do.I miss a lot of other things as well for example doing arts.I was going through some old stuff the other day (funny habits that i do when i am sick) and found my art book. There was a point in my life not too long ago where i was obsessed with painting,drawing all this sort of art works you know.I still do actually it's just that it takes whole lot of your time,i can't just sit for hours now to do that.It reminds me of how good the feeling was once i completed something and i miss that. Never mind that i never showed it to anyone,i am actually proud of my work.

The other thing that i like to do is read back all my journals.I started writing one since i was 12 years old.So i have been actually keeping journals for more than a decade.It only occurred to me that i actually have outgrown a lot of things.My sense of writing was different,my thoughts are different.This year i am right at the age where i should start worrying about getting engaged and married.Heck most of my friends not all but quite a number of them are engaged.Some are married.Does that give me any pressure to follow steps? Not really.I am a pessimist when it comes to marriage and love.Pathetic i know.I couldn't care less.No i actually DO care.But i vowed and promise myself few years back that i wouldn't let myself be vulnerable again.I guess what doesn't kill you make you stranger.

I feel kinda old this year really.I am scared that i couldn't get to be the person i wanted to be.Time is ticking fast.It's already middle of January for God sake.Feels like yesterday i was in front of Taipei 101 counting down to new year,the next thing we know we'll be counting down to the last 10 seconds of this year.Recently one of fellow pilot passed away due to chest pain.Heart attacked i supposed.He was only 29 years old with a wife due for their first child this month.How ironic and sad is that? It makes me realize everything is impermanent in this world.Every single bloody thing.No matter how hard you try,if it were not meant to be it just won't.People around us can leave in a jiffy.You can leave in a split seconds.Question is,what if we couldn't say the things we wish we could,do things we wish we could and change things we wish we could?

Life is all about making choices.Good choices bad choices it doesn't matter because in the end we still need to make one and live by it.I've made few bad choices in my life and i am glad i did that.If not i wouldn't discovered what i am capable of and what are my limits.I have to admit that i am an emotional twat.Really i am.I don't know what i want at times.Most of the times.I would wake up in the morning wanting to go to One Utama and the next thing i know i am at KLCC parking lot.My mind changes drastically.It's not even funny really.But i think i made few good friends who's willing to deal with that and i am forever grateful for their understanding.I can be such a pain the arse sometimes i admit that.Thank you loves for everything.

Ok i seriously don't know where this is going or what my point is.Anyway,most important is cherish the person you have when they are still around,it is ok if they decide to leave one day,as long there's a sincerity in our heart and we didn't expect anything in return then we'll be fine.People always leave.So do we.We can't be something that we're not.Just be true to who you are.


p/s: I watched a local Chinese movie 'Great Day' and really it made my day.I have this thing with everything Chinese ;)

Close your eyes,listen to this song and understand the lyrics.

 

Don't lose who you are,in the blurs of the stars,

Seeing is deceiving,dreaming is believing,

It's okay not to be okay

Sometimes it's hard,to follow your heart,

Tears doens't mean you're losing,everybody's bruising,

Just be true who you are